Don't disturb my Groove - Repost

(June 2006 Single Girl Blog)

I am officially hanging the sign upon the door that says...Dont disturb this groove.

I found this song and laugh my ass off every time I hear it. But it actually has deeper philosophical meaning to me today. I was informed today that I am dysfunctional and basically a relationship leper. These are the facts as they were presented to me:

1. People are concerned about me because I havent re-married or even come close in almost four years.

2. If I want any more kids I better get out there and find me a man because and I quote, You arent getting any younger-- Thanks for the stab and then the squirt of lemon juice into the gaping wound.

3. I am too picky and discard relationships too easily. I should be thankful that any half way decent man would have me since I am a single mother.

I truly believe the person who explained this to me wasnt trying to be malicious. There was genuine concern in their voice for my emotional well being. I think they were befuddled as to how I manage to get out of bed every day knowing that I am incomplete without a steady man in my life.

I responded to this person with the following speech.

Why is it, I am viewed as incomplete without a significant other? I can do anything married people can do, and even better. Yes, it sucks at 2am when I am dying for a sandwich and cant get the mayonnaise jar open. But you know what, I just use mustard. Crisis averted. I can come and go as I please and I answer to no one. I have developed the most wonderful relationships with my friends and I dont think that would be possible if I was in a serious committed relationship. I pay my own bills and clean up my own messes. I date and I date often and have met some great people in the process. I do what I want when I want. Why would I want to force that to end?

Then there was silence on the end of the line--- I am positive she seriously considered divorcing her husband in the 10 seconds of silence we shared. I allowed her this time to contemplate. I could almost read her mind-- Ohhhh, so single people arent miserable lonely individuals with nothing to live for but the next person in their lives. They actually have fun and dont have to deal with anyone until they are good and ready. Hmmm. I wonder how much divorces really cost now adays. End silence and then she came with the considerate-- I just want you to be happy. And my reply is-- I am.

Please understand, I have nothing against marriage or serious relationships. I just happen not to be in one. I dont think I should be tied up and burned at the stake because I dont fit into social norm. After the big D, at first I did think the quickest path to happiness was to find someone to be with and maybe re-marry to obtain that oh so familiar comfort zone I was more addicted to than nicotine. Not so much. That train of thought led me to dating people who were complete jack-off's that smelled my venerability a mile away... and had no problem using it to their advantage. Ahhhh, live and learn...

I know that men go through this too, but I dont think with as much scrutiny as women do. I find it laughable that society expects you to wed when more than half of marriages end in divorce. I find it hold my stomach funny that people feel I need to remarry because statistics show that people who re-marry within five years have a 70 percent chance of divorce, and it gets much worse with the third marriage. Thanks to the Childrens First in Divorce class the State of Florida requires all of us sad divorcees with children to take, for the prior little factoids.

So to all of those who have contemplated sitting me down and having a similar conversation with me. You know the one about the supposed downward spiral my life is going in since I am not sprinting towards the altar with the first putz I spend more than 6 months with, save your breath for yelling at your hubby to put the toilet seat down... Muah!

**Update**

My sweetie and I are approaching one year together and are embarking on our first month living together as we speak.

I couldn't be any happier if I tried...

Go figure? '-)