No Smucking Way - Repost

(January 2007)

Helloooo one and all. Tis I, the new and improved "Bermuda Triangle." That is the name that I have adopted today. And I will tell you why in two shakes of a lamb's tail. (Note to self, check out local lambs to see exactly how quick that is…)

First off, I left my little Northern Florida town on Friday with it being a brisk 55 degrees. I hit Miami and it was a GORGEOUS 75. That town is really starting to grow on me. I went to visit my Vic and get some much needed dental work done.

BTW- Side note, anyone in the area should go to his Dad for dental work, the man is a GENIUS. I had so much work done, more than I can even describe, and I am barely even sore. He worked hard and fast, and I was very impressed. I have a fear of dentists, so this one was a biggie for me… Anyway, thanks again to Vic and his dad, because well they ROCK.

Anywho, back to my new moniker. The Bermuda Triangle. There has been a whirlwind of things going on over the last week so discombobulating I couldn't even begin to describe them all. I was sick, and it was a nasty snotty fever kind of sick. My son was also sick and neither one of us was very chipper. In other words, I felt like ass on a stick. And I had officially gone through one of the hardest weeks at work EVER. On top of being a human snot machine.

I finally start to feel better and I head to Miami, the drive down is great, I get my teeth worked on, and I still feel pretty good. All in all it was a great visit. I was able to spend time with Vic and that always cheers me up. We even went and saw Pauly Shore at the Seminole Hard Rock. I will need you all to get a pen and paper and take a note for me.

Don't bother.

The first two comics were great, but poor poor Pauly. This man looked so strung out and old. He was on something. What I have no clue. And not to mention, he just wasn't funny. His act was vile. And I dig funny vile, but not "I am trying to make a comeback after the Weasel so I am going to talk about ejaculation for 1 hour kind of vile." And this after waiting in line for an hour to see this sad man try and make it through his last set. Then we hit the casino. I did the slots and actually won 25 bucks. Things were looking up…

The drive home was ok, tiring, but ok. I have the new Stephen King on Book on CD and that passes the 6 hour jaunt nicely. I go to bed feelin tired but pretty good…

THEN I wake up this morning and slept through my snooz. Damn, I was late as all hell, I rushed around, got out of the house, ran my errands, and attempted to get to work before 8:45. I am talking to Vic on my Bluetooth when all of a sudden on Interstate 95 I see two local Sheriff officers in the median.

FUCK!!!!! I look down I was going…. Are you ready for this??
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94 miles per hour.


I never drive this fast. Holy shit, they are going to arrest me on the spot just for being dumb enough to drive that fast!!! I just kept saying FUCK over and over and over. So much so, I am now no longer allowed to say it. I used my entire Fuck allowance for 2007.

I will now say Smuck in its place. (I have to give props here to Stephen King. I got "smuck" from Lisey's Story. The main character Lisey has her own language of sorts and I just couldn't help but steal smuck. So werd to the King, Stephen that is...)

I will now be saying Smuck in it's place.

So I get pulled over and get my lovely yellow citation. It is very springy. I am thinking I will line Noah's Easter basket with it. I digress…

So I get to work, make some coffee, and start to check my voicemails. Blah blah blah, then a couple of hang ups, then one from my boss; usual work stuff. Then he left a second voice mail. And I quote "Oh, and by the way Sarah the old adage says, "Slow and steady wins the race. Slow and steady."

Mmmm Hmmm, my boss passed me whilst getting my citation on with officer Friendly on the side of I-95. Ok, I can handle all this, just one more cup of coffee… Just one more cup...

Then the Pièce de résistance… My bank calls.

Bank Gal: "Um, yes is this Sarah?"

Moi: "Speaking"

Bank Gal: "Yes, this is Mary with Yo Bank, we are calling to inform you that your debit card has been revoked due to compromised financial security issues."

Moi: "Are ya now?"

Bank Gal: "Yes maam, did you make a purchase from TJ Maxx during the Holiday Season? "

Moi: "Yes, yes I did." ($10 exercise ball mind you.)

Bank Gal: "Well, a disgruntled employee at their corporate office released private financial information and Synovus decided to be proactive and deactivated your card. Because your card was released along with others."

I can only respond with "Yeahhhhhhh"

You will receive another within 3 weeks.

"Yeahhhhhhhh"

Bank Gal: "You may want to review your account for fraudulent charges…"

And I end the call with a Yeahhhhhh and a "Have a nice day." I think she thought I was mildly retarded. All I could say was Yeahhhh. I was dumbfounded.

I suppose it could have been worse. I could have been in publix with $150 worth of groceries just to have the cashier deny my card infront of the entire town. Then I would have gone Zsa Zsa Gabor on the poor check out woman and been arrested. So yeah, I guess it could be worse…

So to summarize; before 10am I was late, got a ticket while my boss watched, and had my bank card revoked.

Stay tuned to see if I can injure myself, OD on Vitamins, or set my Apartment on fire because I didn't unplug my straightening iron. So after much contemplation after this morning I am now only answering to the following:

Bermuda, Bermuda T., Bermuda Triangle, or B-Tri, or Mrs. Triangle if you are nasty...